My neighbour returned for a visit the day following my last post with a pink umbrella of her own. There’s no doubt she was impressed with the invention.
Although for such a great invention it’s surprising that the Irish never really caught onto the super function of the umbrella. This is something I have thought about before. I admit, in the business districts of Dublin, a few clever folk may be spotted shielding their all-too-expensive suits from the rain. But in general for a country so accustomed to rain we aren’t all that good at staying dry.
I suspected the reason for the unemployed Irish umbrella was because they are not fashionable or funky enough. A quick online search proved me wrong. Not only is there huge choice – but they’re funky too. I particularly liked the blank umbrella with fabric paints included to cater for a personalised brolly – oh the possibilities!
My theory now leans towards the umbrellas awkward design – it is never compact and robust at the same time. This fine balance that results in perfect micro design just hasn’t been accomplished yet where keeping dry is concerned. Or are the people of Ireland so fond of being miserable that we feel closer to the good old days when we leave our umbrellas behind and walk out in the damp and dreary day ahead?
I for one am glad to see the scarcity of umbrellas in Ireland. As a relatively tall person, walking past a wee biddy who is waving her umbrella spikes dangerously close — and right at eye level — can be a nerve wracking experience. What type of society do we live in when a midday shower could mean losing your sight? No, until people learn how to use their umbrellas politely, I say ban ‘em all.
Also, I hope those fabric paints are waterproof.
Very true, there are streets where you have to engage in serious back-twisting Matrix-like maneouvers to get past the pokey spokes. Going off on a slight tangent, I bought a new bicycle recently and the fella in the shop asked me did I want mudguards. I said no. This is because I still have it buried deep within my head from my school days that mudguards are not cool. The truth is that mudguards are not really something that can be cool or uncool, they just keep the water from flying up at you.
This is what adolescence did to me. Useful objects were not used precisely because they were very useful and therefore somehow uncool. Up until a few years ago I had that wierd sub-conscious aversion to umbrellas you mentioned and I think it’s because only old women (who knows where all the old men were) seemed to use them. Perhaps that’s the sign that you’ve made it to adulthood, when you can actually feel comfortable walking down the street with an umbrella.
Anyhow, for the last month or so almost every day upon my bicycle – since that moment when I unthinkingly refused those mudguards – a stream of puddle water not unlike a drinking fountain has been spraying up in a light mist from beyond my lower back right up to the top of my head. Even sitting at a desk with a damp arse for the day the idea of getting new ones rarely crosses my mind. This is a remnant I’m sure of that same adolescent umbrella syndrome.
I’ve seen pictures of orang-utans cleverer than me holding palm leaves over their heads to shield themselves from the rain. That’s the correct thing to do. Going by this alone it is not entirely clear which one of us is the higher primate, but the orang-utan is definately drier and understands when the most appropriate moment to use certain objects is. If that orang-utan with the leaf could ride a bicycle I’d bet he’d use mudguards.